If i look different in any way why be such an ass about it?
compliment me at least if you think i look beautiful.
you make me feel fucking bad for dressing up just once.

now youre the one ticked off for telling you that i was offended by you calling my pictures ‘hilarious’? come the fuck on. im still a fucking girl. i liked being the center of attention even if it was just one night. who the fuck cares? god, you can be such a fucking asshole sometimes

So, so apparently we’re doing awalk out tomorrow in support of our English teacher who almost got sacked but instead, suspended for charges unknown. Meh. I’m glad he’s gone. and besides he would’ve thought it was stupid to begin with. this is just a program within a school we’re talking about walking out and not the whole school. now, if it was the whole school i think that could’ve made a difference but this out of the blue activism is getting to my nerves.

Mehh i hate them. especially when theyre youre friends who organize something (liiiike a walk out for example) just because of the hype and the supposed loyalty to some institution that they themselves dont even believe in

meh.

nothing ruins a good monday morning like standing out in the cold and fighting for something that you dont believe in

somehow i feel like we’re not gonna work out
i mea, yea, we could still be friends but romantically, its not happening i think
im crying ahh
i wanted us to happen so bad
we could’ve been perfect for each other
but now im losing faith in everything that we had
why do you discourage me from being with you?
shouldn’t you be the one pushing to move forward?
what about all the promises you made me? were those for nothing?
ahhh i dont know anymore

is it my one and only trying to push me away?
lately he’s been going on about us, like, how it would be awesome if we lived together and, I don’t know, get married in the long run? (yes, we’re actually thinking of that) but a couple of days ago, he seemed really down about something but he wouldn’t tell me what it was about. All he would say was just that it was one of those times that you randomly get depressed for no reason (kinda like me sometimes, he says)

I think it’s more than that somehow. Maybe he’s scared of commitment or that he really doesn’t want me there with him??? UGHHh I mean, c’mon…

But I admit, I think it’s just that both of us are pretty insecure about our futures with each other since our situation (I live in another city 8 hours away from him) makes it almost impossible to be with each other. But I realize that I’m the one promising to move in with him and not the other way around… knowing that I’ve already broken promises in the past, him saying “oh, it’s not that big of a deal if you don’t move out here” is his way of protecting himself from hurt expectations that I can’t fulfill as of yet… i think. Im not sure.

And get this. We’re not even dating yet

Yea yea I know. This was his reasoning: he can’t take the pain that the relationship would bring him and me because of our distance. He’s been through that once and is not going through it again. It makes me scared because what if, just what if, he finds another girl and think it ‘OK’ to be with her just because he’s not with me?

I don’t know anymore. It’s just so confusing now.

My birthday just came and went without a hitch (august 6) but i really didnt make a big deal about it. i dont know hy. usually i receive shitloads of gifts (like last year, i got a peridot pendant and some cash) FUCKK i just remembered right now that i forgot my girl from laurie and lauren at FACLA
UGHHHHHHH FML >.< i really like that shirt she gave me and those lotions grrrrr

anybody wanna help?
16 paragraphs of rhetorical analysis for Oedipus Rex due on monday
any takers? no? well fuck you D:

I hate them. It reminds me of how poor i am.

and lol i laugh at Jacob and his little girlfriend situation since she dropped the “L bomb” and he couldn’t say it back (well at least not that soon ). i teased him about how he can say it to me but not to his girlfriend xD oohhh good times good times.

Blah. i know i talk about school a lot but please, bear with me here. im getting lazyyyy omg i have two sublevels to do today due tomorrow with a quiz. i have to do my econ questions due Wednesday, bring props for my english play, and study for my stats test on monday with 4 pages of notes D:

bahhh i cant believe how much i miss flip. i know its been a week since we’ve last talked. its ok for him i guess since he knows that i have school and “gotta do what i gotta do” but still, its like i’m going through withdrawal. me so addicted to himmmm it snot even funny. see look here, i think about him a lot A LOT. its not like obsession or anything its just that meehhh i miss him =.= no other way to put it. i wish he’d come here sooner ugh

EDIT: HOLY FUCK i almost forgot to include that … i watched harry potter yesterday ;3 it was alright but the ending sucked. it ust left you hanging but overall it was a good movie. i like the part where harry drinks the liquid luck, goes to hagrid’s and does those little clicking sounds while making pincer movements xD

Mkay. So. I found it amusing that our econ teacher was happy that we got high scores for our first test. seeing as that she expected most of us to have lower scores, this was a definite surprise. made me wanna study more i suppose. it’s like a placebo effect now. so for me in order to be content at school, i have to see that my efforts and good work makes someones day that much more easier. just like today ^^ i think that if students are shown this kind of feedback, no matter how small it may be, it makes a difference. it has to be genuine though, something that they didn’t learn in a class on how to teach children. the teacher almost has to appreciate the student as an equal and not just a subordinate.

in order for my senior year to be successful, i have to apply this sort of thinking with all of my classes and not just econ ( i really do like it by the way. it’s interesting to see how the economy functions).

loll i somehow just got to this conclusion since i was so pleased at our teacher’s reaction xD

was surprisingly easy ^^ didn’t have a hard time at all
this is my schedule:

1st – H. Physics
2nd – AP Microeconomics
3rd – AP English Literature
4th – H. Statistics
5th – Service
6th – Intro to Comp.

After i got to check out of AP European History, everything was all good : )

P.S. I never knew how needy he could be xD so cute

EVERYTHING JUST HAPPENED SO FAST!!! not that im complaining. im surprised that he actually made me feel how i wanted and surprised at the fact that he knew exactly what i wanted. im sure you can guess what im talking about so im not even gonna say it xD but it was wonderful. so goddamn wonderful.

Well, i just found out today that he won’t be moving out here after all and instead he’s gonna study in SF until i decide where to go to college. It saves him money and the effort to come down here. To top that off, he said that he was “afraid of commitment” BUT that he’d date me when he’s ready.

Look’s like we’re not happening after all.

not talking to me? whats going on here DX

I’m not trying to be cliché with this, but I have to get some thoughts out on paper just to sort things out.
I love you. I know I’m not as perfect as you make it seem I am. I’m irrational, thoughtless, and downright selfish but I still love you. Don’t think that the stunt I pulled the other day shows the way I feel for you because it doesn’t. It just showed how immature and stupid I was. I didn’t mean to hurt you in anyway and now I’ve lost your trust because of it. I wanted to say so many things to you then on the phone but I didn’t know what. I didn’t know how to deal with a person that I’ve hurt because I have never cared for someone this much my entire life. I do want to spend my life with you and I can’t see myself being with anyone else but you. I’m sorry it seemed as if I lured you into that. It was nothing more than a joke. I know you say you forgive me but I know I’ve been a disappointment for far too much and I hope that you won’t leave me for seeing this side of me. I can’t always fulfill your expectations and am scared shitless because of that realization. I can’t even begin to express in words how I feel about you or how fucking guilty I am that this happened. For the first time I felt how it is to be completely alone when you said goodbye without as much as a word. I haven’t lost you but I still want you back.
It was scary to hear that you tried to forget about me or that you tried to completely disappear from my life. I know you’d do anything in the world for me and your heart is set on me just as mine is on yours. I remember all the play fights that we had and how easy it was to kiss and make up at the end of each one. Realistically, that’s never going to happen but I plan to make this up to you. I know I say that a lot but I sincerely mean it.

Alright. wow. i can’t believe i forgot all about this little project of mine.

dang. im gonna post a hella update update thing galore smorgasbord thing going on sometime in the weekend (kinda just posting to remind myself haha)

a lot has happened and i hella cant wait to put it in words gahh!

ah today was good, real gooood. drawing was fun cuz me and tyler talked a whole shitload but then he got moved becuase he wasnt doing his work =/ oh well it was fun while it lasted

yoga was a bitch because we used those hella tacky excercise balls that made my lunch go up my throat. gah! i hate it. i hope we never use it again but those abb exercises were surprisingly intense haha

aaaaand philip… i talked to him today and i think its official… we’re together :3 yay <3  i was at yoga and i kept texting him, getting distracted, and then losing my balance lol i had this stupid ass smile plastered on my face and the funny feeling at the pit of my stomach is epic lmao

and to think this is what i wrote about him when i doubted our ’status’ so much loll:

ok. a couple of months ago, i met phillip, THE most awesome guy in the face of the earth.
but from being the ‘little sister,’ i became the ‘little pretend girlfriend.’
i really dont know how to explain it or if he really likes me more than a friend
the thing is im extremely on the fence about this
if he asks me out, ill be EXTREMELY happy. like you wouldn’t believe it happy
but if he thinks that we should be friends (despite the huge amounts of make out sessions)
i wouldn’t be disappointed and will, in some way, expect it.
you see…
i haven’t been in a real relationship so thinking about what to do is fucking impossible for me
i dont even know how to act in front of him anymore
should i be the little girlfriend or the little sister?
i havent talked to him in 2 weeks now because he had to move sooo he doesnt have internet
hes been asking me about when i’ll get my phone so we can talk
i miss him
its complicated because
this is a long distance relationship
and guess what
im bad at them
or any kind for that matter
he should’ve thought about how this would turn out
now all i have to do is… wait
this is really eating away at me
this whole thing got so under my skin that i would randomly remember what happened those 2 days
and have mini seizures
just bombardment of all the things i felt when he held me
or when he kissed me
the embarassment at not knowing what to do and things i should have done
so i take back the whole ‘i dont mind that much’ thing
i do mind
he says he’s coming down here by the end of september and on january
so i guess we’ll see how this turns out

the funny thing was my friend was there and saw the whole thing and compared it with her experience
she said it was like the time when she met a guy in disney land who practically raped her
but the difference is that we like each other <3
i remember he even tried to kiss me in front of her haha
after the whole thing with the blah and blah
i didnt think anything of it and just had those random seizures
but one night it finally set in and i took a shower until 2 in the morning
stark raving mad
because i couldn’t believe that someone could take up my thoughts so much
and whats more pathetic is that i sleep with the little plushie that he gave me as a gift
now i just get this funny feeling in the center of my chest that goes down all the way to my stomach
and it just makes me smile
a lot
and hard
and it just somehow makes my day and ruins it at the same time because i can hardly focus on anything
i think im obsessing about this too much, yes?
i wont say its the L word but damn is it getting close.

Ahhh i cant even say how stressed i am about school right now. i got shitty grades for almost all of my classes (trig-c french-b chem-b ap us hist-d drawing-a ap lang-a) and i just pray to god that my parents dont get that report card the school is sending out. right now, i have homework for my trig class about solving logs, for my french class with the little questionaire thing, a ’surprise’ quiz for chemistry (lol info was leaked), a 11 chapter exam for my ap us history class tomorrow (i still havent studied until now and im guessing ill have to pull an all nighter for this one), the fucking color wheel is due at the end of class tomorrow for drawing and i need to paint 5 more sections, and i did horrible today on my english conotation quiz about the relationship of the charater pertaining to nature. blahh just one huge laundry list of bitching

its still my fault for not working hard enough i guess and i stupidly said to my councilor that ‘i couldnt believe it was turning out this good for me right now.’ fuck. 

and i still have to go to fucking yoga at 4 30 this afternoon (its on tuesdays, wednesdays, and thursdays) abd i hate it when this girl i know keeps borrowing all of my stuff and calling it hers. gets on my fucking nerves. i know she doesnt have a lot of clothes but cmon she could always buy some. her family is obviously wealthier than mine. eh its just fucking annoying. im glad that she went home today to get her things instead of borrowing mine. and every time she asks me to go shopping with her, she end sup complaining about being tired, me buying something, and her saying that she likes what i picked out and is gonna ‘borrow’ my shit. fuck her. right up the shitter. i even bitched about it to my mom and realized that by fixing my closet, she can now easily see all the clothes that she’s been eyeing all this time and i wont have the power to say no because she’s supposedly my ‘best friend.’ honestly, i dont think she is. i never let anyone too close to me.

wow I haven’t posted in a month and a half and the last one was not even a paragraph.

I’ll try to keep this updated because I don’t like breaking commitments that I’ve made

I havent talked to Billy in 2 days and i cant believe i miss him this much…

I fucked up my cutting board in woodshop and now i have to start all over again…

i have an essay due in english and he has high expectaions…

but at least im passing algebra 2!

I can’t even stress the level of remorse that I feel right this very moment for neglecting this blog. The last thing that I posted was a video and lyrics of a song that I love. What the fuck is that about?! That simple post doesn’t even cover the extent of events that has happened these past few weeks–or maybe even months! Fuck if I know.

OK lets start with something simple and obvious: Holland. I said yes to the whole “will you go out with me?” question for the heck of it and to tell you the truth, I don’t even like him. I guess I’m being unfair because he asked me out under false pretenses and a bit cruel of me to have said yes so readily. I’m a curious kid, so what’s happening basically is that I’m merely amusing myself with his attempts to satisfy me and fulfill his duties as a boyfriend. He’s doing pretty good albeit he’s 5000 miles away. We have these really long talks about our goals, life as we know it, and all the other good stuff in between like sex and morally unstable decisions. BUT I finally broke up with him ( that bastard ) so all is good in the world. I wasnt sad about it or anything like that because of the circumstances in our so called ‘relationship’.

OK another person: Iowa. He’s an incredible guy that can actually make me laugh with all his crazy talk about skittles, legs, and hair ( yes, hair ). He told me his secrets and I told him mine. We got sooo close to the point that we actually exchanged gifts for Christmas! I gave him a pair of boxers from Kmart with the words ‘Workin’ It’ on the back and a kiss mark on the front all made with the cost effective Sharpie. I got a teddy bear that i actually sleep with ( yea I know, I know ) but lately it hasnt been good. After all the promises of visiting each other, being there forever, and all that, we’ve drifted apart. I guess we just ran out of things to say. It got to the point where we needed to see each other in order to keep it going, but realizing as that cant happen, we contented ourselves with what I dont know.

Somewhere before Christmas i finally got kittens! kittenS because i got two. I just thought that they were cute and I missed having one around but my parents turned it into a whole issue about responsibility ( which it is )  and being able to handle it ( which I am thank you very much ). The grey one, her name’s Shami ( yes yes like Shamoo but with an I ), and the black one, the name’s Charlie ( like Chaplin ), stay in my lap doing nothing but being cute and sleeping. The last time I had a cat was when I was 6-7 years old so I never realized how complicated it is to care for a pet and now i know. They have to have a certain type of food, the litter has to be perfect, they have to have shots, and all those neccesary things that has to be done. Now that I think about it, they dont even have collrs yet and its been almost a month.

I know I jumped illogically from one topic to another but who cares. Forgive me all the same.

School is coming up and Im still addicted to FFR. very bad. very very bad. its gotten so bad that I stay up untill 3 to play ( and to chat. yea that too ). i havent even finished my over-the-break-homework for algebra 2 yet so I’m basically screwed.

Am I addictive?

because that is what Billy is saying about me

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Reeds driftin’ on by you know how I feel

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good

Fish in the sea you know how I feel
River running free you know how I feel
blossom in the trees you know how I feel

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don’t you
know
Butterflies all havin’ fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine you know how I feel
Scent of the pine you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good

You know that guy i met on the internet??? well if you do then let me tell you this:

He thinks im his girlfriend after a night of moaning on the phone because we were too tired

 this is really pissing me off hes like “we’re not talking alot” and stating the fucking obvious. i hate i hate it and it fucking pisses me off like a dog on a hydrant. this is really getting out of hand and i fucking dont like it and  uuugh this fiucker is making me cuss and shit!!!!!!!!!!! OMG!! Jesus H. Christ!!!!!! this is fucking pissing me off

this. is going to be short.

kay

I met a guy on the internet and we talked for, more or less, 7 hours. Is that good?

see? short.

His name is Silas (what an incredibly sexy name) and he was born in Parapat, Indonesia but lives in the Netherlands (sad for me) and he has an amazing voice, all low and smexy as hell! he can play the piano, talk in 4 or 5 languages, and is pretty smart. He can cook too! from what i’ve heard from him, he’s pretty hard working, neat, and isnt lazy (like me XP)

I am bored. LOL pichas fo’ you: XP

its all from pyzam. and what?! ill slap you with mah bad ninja fish <*(((< there. now you stink

I miraculously woke up at 5AM this morning and I finished reading the the 7th and last book of the Harry Potter saga. woot for me! I know this is WAY overdue but I didn’t really get into it because I sorta got tired. Yes, I admit, I was an avid supporter of the Potter boy BUT after the 4th book (the awesome-est one, in my opinion) it started getting harder and harder to read because it was always Potter this and Potter that. He came off as a self centered loner who’s pretty popular. I get into these stupid debates with my friends ending up with tantrums because they say ”it’s just natural that way! I mean, it’s his burden because he was the boy who lived!” and I’m like “He should stop acting like that then! He should be smarter and accept help!” He does but it was always forced! I freaking know he feels responsible for the whole mishap but that doesn’t freaking mean that he has to solve every single thing! Dumbledore did have a genius plan but that makes Potter boy look like a sacrificial pig with the letting-Voldemort-kill-him-while-he-stands-there kinda thing. I mean, I read all 5 books more than two times (except for the last 2 cuz I got bored XP) and all of them had him saying “No. You guys have to stay here. I’ll do it alone. It’s me he wants. Go, save your hides” and crap.

I read about this play Equus(?) where he gets to be ne-kid…

damn i love them! the earliest i can remember watching was captain planet (he has an 80’s mullet! woot!) in my pj’s while drinking milk! aahh the memories. damn. I can still remember those stupid rings they wore: water, fire, earth, wind, and air. He had really cool enemy names like Sly Sludge, Duke Nukem, and Captain Pollution. Then captain planet would say “Don’t litter!” in that really God-like voice at the end of every episode. He even has powers summoning storms and crap but can still be weakened by pollution (go figure) and other “unnatural” occuring stuff (kinda like Popeye, but instead of spinach, he has the earth to feed from). I contort myself thinking of all the stupid ideas i got from watching cartoons like jumping off of the cabinet thinking that I could fly, or staring at something to make it go BOOM! OR staring at something to make it fly. It was an endless cycle of staring and jumping of high places that got me nowhere, except maybe in my room. At least I didn’t go into wearing underwear OVER my clothes (kinda like all the marvel heroes… why though?). Why would, in your right mind, wear underwear over your clothes and then top it off with a cape? Why?!

I like it that they (Tom & Jerrry) dont talk but are physically “eloquent.” They can communicate intent, like how Tom can tell us that he hates Jerry by dropping an anvil on him, but at the same time need him when he lets Jerry shoot him when Jerry decides to go to space where there are no cats. Wow. That was really long. I like it that Jerry has an alliance with Bruno the dog, further strengthened when Jerry pulls out the thumb tack from his paw, that allows him a sense of retrubution for all the crap that Tom did to him. Governed by the natural laws of cartoondom, Bruno chases and terrorizes Tom. Yay! Justice is served! I like how they have the same basic conflict for every episode (Tom and Jerry trying to kill each other) but spin it up with the addition of demon kittens or the occasional appearance of Bruno. Yay!

They even have the props like katanas, sai, nunchaku, and staffs (wooot! Ninja Turtles!!!) How awesome can you get when you’re a turtle with a sensei named Master Splinter? Even though its been revived, to say the least, I still support the old school animation and voice overs. WOOT! I looked it up and Ninja Turtles came from a doodle that the creators did in a brain storming session as a joke. Thank God they took it seriously! I mean, where on earth would you see kick ass turtles with Japanese training? Nowhere, right? It really makes my day when a turtle swings around  nunchakus to fight off criminals. Heeell yeaaaa… I even saw those 90’s looking live action films with the exagerated poses after one of them kicks ass. Yup. I am a weirdo.    

And have you ever listened to their old school sound tracks?! they rock! (dexter’s lab and the adams familiy *snap snap*) I can still sing the theme song from Dexter’s Laboratory and it goes something like this: Enter at your own peril, past the bolted door where impossible things may happen that the world has never seen before. In Dexter’s Laboratory, lives the smartest boy you’ve ever seen but Dee Dee blows his experiments to smithereens. There is gloom, and doom while things go boom in Dexter’s Lab!!! Yup. I rock too. I knew that since I was 4. Hell yea, I rock. And there is still the Adam’s Family theme! It goes something like this: They’re creepy and they’re kookey. Mysterious and spookey. They’re altogether together ookey. The Addams Family. *snap snap* The house is a museum. When people come to see’em. They really are a scre-am. The Addams Family. *snap snap* Neat. Sweet. Petite. So get a witch’s shawl on. A broomstick you can crawl on. We’re going to pay a call on. The Addams Family. *snap snap* Damn. I rock even more.

What the hell is with all the errors???!!! I almost died when I couldn’t get into my pages and when I checked the list, the only one there was the page I posted a couple minutes ago!!! and when I tried reloading it just said ERROR and shit…

JesusMaryMotherofGod! wow… damn i never knew boob jobs could be soo… gross yet… yield such beautiful results (not that i would want any).

I was watching Fate Stay Night and left the Tv on ’cause I didn’t want to go get the remote and Dr. 90210 popped up out of nowhere. It looked promising but oh boy was I wrong. 10 minutes into the show I was treated to an eye full of fat, torn skin, and stitches. And boobs too. I never knew people sooo beautiful could be so self conscious! I mean, they have the nose, the eyes, the skin, the lips, and the body that most of us can only dream of having, yet they alter themselves to the point of having boobs the size of basketballs drooping over their bellies or having that perpetually ’surprised’ look that really irks me. They even go to those tanning salons but instead of looking like a Brazillian goddess, they just come out orange and shiny.  

The surgeons look really gay and unprofessional. One of them even had the nerve to close his eyes during the surgery and say “I don’t need to look. This is like martial arts, like, having eyes at the back of your head. I just need to use my hands.” I wanted to sue! What if he makes a mistake and stab something important or some shit?! damn! aaahh even though i don’t aprove of any alterations to your body, it’s their decision, so whatever.

I don’t know why people don’t like nerds or think or them as sex deprived pus filled volcanoes of dirt and oil when one of those ↑ can stand in a star wars convention line. Yum! ^^ he reminds me of a really gross thing one of my friends used to say: Oh! Is that my blackberry or am i just happy to see you?

I was planning on taking a Japanese language class with Reggie at a near by community college for the heck of it. Sooo i went on the net and searched for pronounciation guides (I dont have a book yet T.T) and found this: ( it’s pretty funny too and this contains a lot of huge japanese phrases that are really confusing)

An Intellectual Breakdown of Japanese Pronunciation

Okay, I’m going to do the impossible: I’m going to explain how to properly pronounce the many different sounds of spoken and sung Japanese, without using sound files!! Hahaha! Well, sometimes our ears can only pick up so much, and we need extensive verbal descriptions of the sound so it’s easier to process. I have excellent ears (have always been good at impersonating various voices) and don’t learn well from detailed descriptions, but I’m hoping to create something with which the auditorily-challenged masses can identify ^_- (*just as a note, I use American TV-English for most of my examples. Sorry if that’s not the kind you speak.)

First, we’ll list the basic Japanese alphabet, using roman characters:

a, i, u, e, o, ka, ki, ku, ke, ko, sa, shi, su, se, so, ta, chi, tsu, te, to, na, ni, nu, ne, no, ha, hi, fu (or “hu”), he, ho, ma, mi, mu, me, mo, ya, yu, yo, ra, ri, ru, re, ro, wa, o (or “wo”), n

Vowels:

To describe it in simplest terms, Japanese has 5 vowels: a, i, u, e, and o. You may say, “yeah, yeah, 5 vowels, just like English”. BZZZ!! English does not have just 5 vowels. In addition to father, bee, screw, end, and flow, we also have the dead vowels, like in the words pat, bit, and duh. As you can see, we do warp some of the pure vowels into ugly, flatter sounds. Japanese vowels, however, stay pure and constant.

But the discussion does not stop there. Just as in English, the Japanese language uses diphthongs (putting 2 or more vowel sounds together at once). The most common are “ai”, “ei”, and “oi”, though, as mathematics dictates, there are many more permutations. Diphthongs are rather straightforward, however. Since the sounds of the pure vowels that make up these sounds themselves do not change, I don’t need to discuss them in that much detail. I’m more concerned with describing the tone and brightness of these vowels.

Generally speaking, Japanese vowels are bright. Anyone who’s sung in a choir will probably understand what I’m talking about when I say a vowel is “bright” or “dark”. By changing the shape of your lips and the inside shape of your mouth, you can manipulate how a vowel sounds to make it sound more “bright” or “dark”.

How to pronounce “a”

To demonstrate this for yourself, say the word “father”. The “a” vowel sound in this word is relatively neutral.

Now, say the word “dad”. Notice how harsh it sounds. This is what we call a “bright” vowel (or, in this case, a bright “a”). This is the sort of tone we use when we scream, “ahhhh!!!”

Now, say the word “fawn” (and if you’re familiar, say this in a posh-British accent). Notice now how the “ah” sound of the vowel has mutated into something closer to “oh”. This is what we call a “dark” vowel.

Though “father”, “dad”, and “fawn” all use the “a” vowel, you can hear how they are different in sound. “Dad” is “a” in its brightest form, and “fawn” is “a” in its darkest form. English vowels, in general, tend to be towards the neutral version of this scale. Posh-British English vowels tend to be darker, and French and Japanese vowels tend to be brighter.

The brightness of the Japanese “a”, though it varies from speaker to speaker, tends to fall somewhere between “dad” and “father”. Listen for this in spoken Japanese and you’ll see what I mean. Listen to Japanese singers hold out words that end on an “a” vowel, and you’ll notice it’s usually a little brighter than a pure “ah”. Another illustration would be to compare pop singers to musical theater singers. Pop singers (good ones, anyway) will tend to have more neutral “a” vowels, while musical theater singers (and Clay Aiken : p ) sing with brighter tones… (and, incidentally, so do I ^^; Yaaaaay people with naturally bright, metallic voices!)

So I spent all that time simply talking about the “a” vowel… Hahaha~… Well, it can get pretty technical if you’re a perfectionist. Just try and grasp the “bright” and “dark” concepts, since I’ll use these to explain the other vowels…also keep in mind that everyone’s “a” is different slightly. Just like a fingerprint…

How to pronounce “i”

…This is probably the easiest vowel for American-English speakers to pronounce properly. Just think light and bright and never pronounce it as a dead vowel like in big.

Exceptions: Some pop and rock singers will tweak the pronunciation of the Japanese “i” to make it sound more harsh/cool. It slightly changes to a more dead-vowel. (Gackt does this a lot).

How to pronounce “u”

This is a little more difficult to describe. It’s not a deep, dark sound like the sound the King of Town makes when he says, “ooh! ooh!” …(sorry if you’re not a homestarrunner.com fan ^^;). Again, it’s a very bright sound. Think of some surfer-guy saying, “kewl” or “duuuuude”. Or, if you’re familiar with German, think of u-umlaut. Think of Ernest (from “Hey Vern, it’s Ernest”) when he goes, “eeeeeeeewwww”….

Or, if you’re unfamiliar with all of these examples, round your lips to make a rich, dark “ooh” sound, then instead of saying “ooh”, say “eeee” instead. The sound produced sounds similar to the Japanese “u”. Just remember, keep it bright and nasally… and listen to spoken/sung examples.

Exceptions: when Japanese is sung and stylized, some Japanese singers will really butcher “u”. Listen to rock-style singers like Gackt or the recent Ayu and you’ll hear their “u” pronounced like the English “uh” (as in “duh”). (Think in Ayu’s song “I am…” where she goes, in the second chorus, “Atashi wa zutto tatta hitotsu no kotoba o sagashiteru or in “Never Ever” where she sings, “kimi wa nani o inoru“.)

Another way singers butcher “u” is that they’ll make it very dark and smooth-sounding. Voice actor Hayashi Nobutoshi is guilty of this (the dude who voiced Tasuki). Boy-bands (like V6) also tend to use this style, probably because it sounds more Afro-American, smooth, and sexy. This is not how it should be spoken, however.

How to pronounce “e”

DON’T PRONOUNCE IT “EI”!!! I absolutely detest how Americans can’t seem to hear the difference between the pure “eh” vowel sound and the diphthong “ei” sound. When singing Latin songs, many choirs accidentally pronounce “a-le-lu-ia” as “a-lei-lu-ia”. It’s the same with Japanese. Many Americans trying to pronounce Japanese will say “ame” as “amei” or “namae” as “namaei”. This sounds really lame.

It’s just plain “e”. “Bed”, “let”, “mess”… And its brightness is just about the same as in those English words.

Exceptions: …I just told you to never pronounce “e” as “ei”, but singers do this sometimes ^^; If a word ends with an “e”, sometimes singers will add a little “i” to the end of it to give it twang. Also, some singers will use proper singing and darken the vowel a little (like Gackt’s dramatic last line of the chorus of Seki-Ray, “Sekirei no yasashisa ni dakare“… Also, Utada Hikaru uses darker vowels in general. Good examples of her darker “e”s come in Sakura Drops when she sings “koi o shite, owari o tsuge…”)

How to pronounce “o”

Wow, down to the last vowel, finally… This is another toughy, though.

American-English “o”s are very lazy. Our mouths open slightly and our lips round ever so slightly as the inside of our mouths makes a slight dome.

Japanese “o”s, however, require more energy to pronounce. Form your lips into a tight circle, as if you were going to say the English “ooh”. Now, pull your tongue down a little so that the inside of your mouth is more dome-like, open your lips just a smidge and say “oh”. It should be a bit darker and more clear than the English “oh”… Or if that’s too confusing, just do your best impersonation of Jabba the Hut laughing “ohhh-ho-ho-ho-ho”… Then just brighten it up a bit.

Like I said, this is very hard to describe, so taking these basic rules, listen to some spoken Japanese and try to imitate what you hear.

Exceptions: As if “o” weren’t confusing enough already, singers change it around, too! Again, I’ll use Ayu’s I am… as an example, since that’s a perfect example of a “rock-Japanese accent”. At the very start of the song, when she sings a-capella, she finishes with “koko ni iru no…” and holds out the “o”. You may notice that this is not a pure Japanese “o”. It’s instead an “o” with a silent English “r” added to the end (which could also be described as a slight dead “i”.) She does this a lot in the song Naturally as well.

And we’re finally on to consonants! Damn, this’s taking forever…

You’ll notice the Japanese alphabet basically takes the vowels “a, i, u, e, o” and then repeats them over and over again, attaching consonants to each vowel. Ka, ki, ku, ke, ko is pretty straightforward. Just pronounce the vowels as you did on their own, adding a light “k” in front (like the “k” in “kill”).

Sa, shi, su, se, so requires more explanation, however. Keep your “s” light in “sa, su, se, so”. As for why the second sound is “shi” instead of “si”… I’m not really sure ^^; Some speakers of Tohoku-ben (the dialect where I stayed) do pronounce it as “si” instead of “shi”, but that is very rare. The rest of the population pronounces it as “shi”. But don’t fall into the trap of pronouncing it as the English “she”. That’s incorrect. The “sh” part of it is made with light smiling lips, not with funnel-lips that English speakers use for their “sh”. The result is lighter and quieter and slightly more hissing.

Ta, chi, tsu, te, to… another confusing line where two of the sounds are not what they should logically be ^^; Again, the “t” in Japanese is lighter than the “t” in English. If you speak Spanish, think of that “t”. It’s much lighter and not as spitty as the English “t”. As for the “ch”, it’s also a bit lighter than what we’d use for the word “cherry”. Consider “ch” more of a “tsh” (with the Japanese “sh”). As for tsu, take the last sound of the English word cats and stick a Japanese “u” to the end.

Na, ni, nu, ne, no… almost no explanation needed. Just keep your “n”s relatively light, like you’re slightly congested.

Ha, hi, fu, he, ho is another column where one of the syllables doesn’t make sense. Some people do still romanize the middle syllable as “hu”, but that is misleading, as is “fu” (but I think “fu” is closer to the sound than “hu”, so I romanize it as “fu”). Ha, hi, he, and ho are easy, but for “fu”, pretend you’re blowing out a candle and then attach a voiced “u” to the end. That’s close to what you want. Just use much less air as you would to normally blow out a candle, and you’ve pretty much got it.

Ma, mi, mu, me, mo – no explanation needed.

Ya, yu, yo First you might wonder why there’s no “yi” or “ye”. Japanese used to have those characters, but did away with them since they sounded exactly the same as “i” and “e”. When you think about it, all “y” really does to a vowel is to add a harsh “i” before it. Therefore, “ya” could just as correctly be written as “ia”. The only difference is that “ya” combines the “i” and “a” much faster, while in “ia”, the “i” and “a” stay separate… That’s all you really need to know to pronounce “ya”, “yu”, and “yo”…

Ra, ri, ru, re, ro is a pretty tough column to describe. Some people say the Japanese “r” is half way between English “r” and “l”. Others say it’s like a Latin “r”. Some say it’s like a soft, Spanish “d”… But in reality, it’s one of those sounds that varies from speaker to speaker and varies depending where it occurs in a word.

I can’t describe in writing how to “properly” pronounce this, since there are so many ways, but I’ll give you a general rule and exercise to practice. First, say the English “la”. Where was your tongue? It should have touched against the back of your upper row of teeth. Now say a harsh, English “ra” (as in “raw”). Where was your tongue that time? Curled waaaaaaay back, the tip of it almost touching the soft part of the back of the roof of your mouth. Now, without saying anything, put your mouth in position to say “ra”. Still, without saying anything, keep your tongue in the same shape, but move the tip of it forward, along the roof of your mouth so it’s almost in position to say “la”. Now, say a very light English “ra”. What you produce should be pretty dang close to the proper Japanese “ra”. Then, apply this principle to “ri”, “ru”, “re”, and “ro”… Just practice a lot until your tongue gets tired ^^;

So where exactly should the tongue be along the roof of the mouth to pronounce the Japanese “r”? About where your tongue is to pronounce “t”. Notice how it’s close to the back of your teeth, but still not quite touching. This is about where your tongue should be to pronounce the Japanese “r”. So actually, the Japanese “r” uses a similar mouth/tongue position as the English “l”, but the actual voicing of the consonant is similar to the English “r”. This is what makes it so difficult to grasp, but once you’ve got it, it’s very easy. It takes a lot of work to say the English “r”, but hardly any strain to say the Japanese “r”, which is a lazy sound. Oh well, just practice.

And then, there are also exceptions! Again, a rock-Japanese accent will pronounce “r” a little closer to the English “r”. Sometimes a Japanese person will also roll the “r” (like in Spanish) to emphasize something (like if he’s exasperated).

Wa First, where does “w” exactly originate? It’s just “u” with another vowel after it. So, “wa” is actually “ua”. Using this principle, say “ua” with a Japanese “u” and a Japanese “a”. It should sound different from the English “wa” (like in “water”), and should not have a very strong “w” sound to it. Don’t move your lips forward into a small circle to start the sound as you would in English. The Japanese “wa” can even be spoken without moving your lips at all. It’s VERY lazy.

Wo (or o) This is the “particle-o”, as in “Watashi o tabete kudasai”, not to be confused with the “o” that’s used in words (like “obi”). It’s not really much different from the other “o”, except that sometimes in songs, singers pronounce it as a soft “wo” (made by sticking a Japanese “u” before a Japanese “o”). Also, when using it in a sentence, there’s no glottal stop (anyone else know what that is? ^^;) What I mean, is it can slur from the end of the previous word instead of being spoken with attack.

And finally, we’re at n! … It’s really unfortunate that the official romanization of Japanese decided to write the “n” character as “n” (or “m”) because English speakers confuse that with a hard “n” sound, and it really is not “n” or “m” in pronunciation… it’s just a closing of the lips (or curling of the tongue at the back of the throat) at the end of the word, to sharpen the end of the word and to usually make the pitch fall (or in Tohoku-ben’s case, the pitch sometimes rises here… which is what makes it sound hick-ish)

To be blunt, it’s a grunt.

Anyone who’s been to Japan will know what I’m talking about. This is taken out of dialogue in poetic anime/drama/etc, but the Japanese grunt A LOT. Especially in polite/nervous conversation or lazy conversation. Once you’ve grasped the grunt, you can communicate ^^;

Another note is that when another word follows a word that ended in “n”, the pronunciation is often affected. A good example is “san zen en” (3000 yen). Between “zen” and “en”, something happens… the “n” at the end of “zen” is simply a tongue-curl in the back of the throat, which is the exact position we use to form words that begin with the English “y” (which really is just “i” followed by some other vowel), which is why it ends up sounding like “san ze ien” (or “san zen yen”)… which in turn is probably why we call their currency “yen” instead of “en”….

“n” is very interesting…

So that’s that! A crash course in Japanese pronunciation! Of course, once you’ve read this, go listen to some spoken/sung Japanese and compare notes. Anime, actually, is an excellent way to learn good diction of Japanese. You’ll sound like you’ve had elocution lessons if you speak like anime characters… (Though it’s advisable to think less Sailor Moon and more Sailor Neptune ^_-;) Also sing a lot. This’ll help your pronunciation of the individual syllables, which will make your intonation naturally fall into place a little better. Have fun.

Q: What did the chicken yell out when it was being raped?

A: Fowl Play!!!

Ok, that was gross and cheesy but it actually did happen. When and where you ask? Why the hell would you even rape a chicken? Who would even think about raping a chicken? Well, it goes back to when my mom was in college. No, my mom isn’t crazy or stupid enough to rape a chicken but 4 really curious boys were.

So, one day my uncle went down from his 4th floor apartment to the chicken coop by the side of the building (remember, this is Philippines) to check on them and he noticed that one of them was out of it. He brought it upstairs with him and asked other people’s opinions on it and got nowhere. Later that night, my cousin came home from school and listened to the ever recurring conversation about the worn out chicken and then she realised something. It was the same chicken that she saw 4 boys passing around to… ahem you know… the other day. As soon as my uncle and my mom heard about it, they just howled with laughter and disgust at the revelation.

When my mom was telling me this, I thought that the boys were playing with the chicken using their fingers or something but I was dead wrong. “No no they used their penises!” she said after watching me jokingly reinact the boys’ curiousity. I just looked at her, open mouthed, and imagined an image of a wildly flapping chicken, with its eyes popping out, a chicken scream in its throat, wrapped around some juvenile meat while 3 others watched and anticipated their turn. “Here you go! It was awesome!” one of them would say with a huge smile on his face while handing the chicken over to the next one in line. Just imagine! Passing the poor chicken around to be violated! Ma told me that she vowed not to eat chicken forever but was forced to when she came to America. 

aaahhh i hope you enjoy the mental image!

I didn’t do trick-or-treating nor did I dress up but I did walk to Hollywood from Vermont and Santa Monica. Yup. Walking. Very sad indeed.

People get sooo weird in Holloween, it’s as if they were drunk for the day and then get even more drunk as the night comes. The costumes were… let’s just say… interesting. I saw strippers, Eddy, trannies, ho’s, fairies, dominatrixes, cows, tiger, grinches, and a bunch more. And boobs too. Girls were dressing so scandalously and stuff. Not that I’m stiff or anything, but seeing them in micro-minis, stockings, stilhetto heels, and bras made me shiver. not in jealously, no, i shiver because of the lengths they took to get guys. isn’t it that all about? I just turned the other way and comfortably walked in my converse sneakers, jeans, middle school PE t-shirt, and hoodie, laughing at all the stuff I see walking the streets. even dogs got in on it. I saw a chihuahua (I hate them…) dressed as elvis and another one as a hippie. the pic on the side is sorta what i saw them wear and she had a bee friend too

i looked like that when i rode the rides but my hand was over my eyes… i was too scared to look XP

YYEAAA!!! I WENT TO SIX FLAGS YESTERDAY!!!

YAY FO’ MEEEE!!!

I thought it would be pretty awkward and boring because I had the 3 smartest people in my batch with me: che, li, and jen but surprisingly it was a blast! we met up in school at 9:30 AM and got there at 10:00 AM, just in time for the gates to open. The first ride i rode on was *drum rolls!* VIPER! i didnt hear about its reputation and I was still pretty sleepy so I rode on it and then followed it up with TATSU! it was crazy!!! everything was soo fast and the drops were horrible!!! ugh… my food… then i went on the scrambler and came out with a headache that lasted for the rest of the trip. then i went on two water rides, one right after the other: log jammer then jet stream (aaahhh it looked like i peed on myself…) we had lunch and whatever and then rode RIDDLER’S REVENGE!! wooot! you had to stand on the thing and it was crazy!!! then i rode ninja then SCREAM!! it made me scream alright! yay! then i rode the batman ride then the gold rusher (really not scary). WOOOT!! i rode the Carousel too! twas funny!!! yay! and we played at the bumper cars for 3 times aahh i got a bruise on my back…. oh and i rode collosus too!

i think i rode every major ride (i might have forgot some) but im sure as hell i didn’t ride these: (they looked too scary)

• Goliath

• Superman

• X

• Dejavu

• Revolution

 but i promise that those will be the first five that i’m gonna ride on the next time i go! but before we left, we went into those holloween mazes and i got scared… REALLY scared. it was sad and funny and i wanted to on a another but they won’t let so there! ugh and the on the trip home i kept looking at the rode and expecting it to give way to really huge drop… sad

VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. i have summer homework for algb 2. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. i have nothing else to do. VACATION IS BRORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. im all alone in the apt. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. i can’t find anything to eat. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING. VACATION IS BORING.

VACATION IS BORING

and it’s only been a couple of days… what will happen in a week?!! nooooo!

I went into a page writing spree because I had nothing better to do at 12 in the afternoon.

Enjoy!

Check out the pages, and if you can, tell me what you think about it. The tittles are pretty self explanatory.

woooooot! 

aaahhh vacation… it’s nice but where I am isn’t.

I’m in one of my mom’s friend’s house. THAT’S FULL OF ROACHES!!! (im not sure is i spelled that right) i can see one right now crawling on its germ infested belly on their head board (I’m in their bedroom) and then it disappeared somewhere. gross. 

before we got here my mom finally realized that I have been keeping my grades from her and preventing her from coming to school functions. yea, I do that. she rattled on about responsibility and how i should face reality and all that stuff. i didn’t really hear her. I’ll update this later. I don’t her to walk in and see that I’m posting stuff about her on the internet. 

At last, the air, so sweet and clear, is flowing into me with the force of a huricane as I take a deep breath after screaming my heart out with joy.

ITS OVER!!! WINTER BREAK, I LOVE YOU!!!

 It feels soooo good to say that especially after where I’ve been. I got the finals essay for english done at 9:45 AM with my dad screaming in my ear to hurry up. There was no finals for Harmony so we just watched Super Troopers  and ate Reese’s. Ugh. Never watch that movie. Never. It screwed me over… oh! and Slither too! Don’t watch those two… they’re evil movies but still hella funny! So watch them anyway.

After the whole sitting-in-the-same-room-with-your-teacher-while-watching-tits-ass-and-dick-on-the-projector thing, I decided to go with my other EXTREMELY filipino friends to some guys house to chill out and relax. Problem was I had’t talked to them for the whole semester for reasons unknown. I think it was mostly because of the people I usually hang with. They really don’t fall into the whole… category… thing. Mmmm that was very mean of me, not hanging out with them and all. Whatever. I promise I will when we go back on track.

So yea, we hung out and one of them decided to COOK BEEF STEAK (bisteak for pinoys). I was in shock. It was REALLY REALLY REALLY good and HE, take note, he was just about my age (15). Damn! That shit was good! And then we lapsed into this conversation about how Bro and Sis had a fight with their parents and how they even threatened to run away if only their parents would give them their papers. Wow. Shit was intense. After eating and talking, me and the girls offered to wash the dishes but ended up having to use a towel to cover ourselves from the water and Tin kept putting it over our boobs saying that we look like labanderas from Phil. aaahh mmy tummy hurts from laughing…. good times, good times. now we’re just planning where to go next! w00t!

I noticed really weird stuff after not seeing them for months:

• Sis: had Kev wrapped around her bony finger, waiting on her sweet words, while she put her head in his lap

• Bro: still the same (I think) but I’ll have to see

• Kev: had a shit load of acne on his face (red, crusted over, and his face had scars and stuff) and was a quieter

• Tin: she got grosser-er (she ran her finger up my ass like so: ( )|( ) (the line is her finger) when we were walking and then blaming it on Mards ) but other than that, she’s pretty much the same

• Mars: she’s really flirty and dance and sings horribly. she lies about crap and makes herself look innocent and pure and all that 

• Ella: she’s still awesome and she still calls me Lola

• Larry, Garth, and Alfred: they’re REALLY gay. but suppressed. they hold hands, grab each others hips, and get this Larry walked around school while grabbing Alfred’s boobs from behind.

• Lemon: still weird but Mards likes him. He’s not all too bad looking I guess… mmm well whatever

• Emerson: w00t! he’s the cook! he’s ok and normal but when he took his shirt of while he was cooking… mmm he didn’t look yummy at all

Today is the 2nd day of my first sem finals and its been tough.

Yesterday I had finals in AP European History and H Algebra 2 and I didn’t prepare for both. I saw no point in preparing for hist because my teacher was gonna kick me out anyway, so why bother. But the Algb 2 I’m worried about. I mean it would look so bad getting kicked out of a regular honors class BUT I did have the russian dragon lady so you have to give me credit for that. She is REALLY sarcastic, calous, and not to mention ugly. Now the hist teacher I’ve had since freshman year and i just remembered that I wrote about her in my vignette project and named her Nobody. It was sad yet funny at the same time. I constantly wonder if she ever got laid… I can just imagine her pussy having teeth that bites off cocks that get too close. Gross but probably true. You seriously never know with her.

Today I had finals on AP Biology and French 2. The French final was fucking easy. All it took was an hour of studying and trying not to sleep with 200 questions staring at you. It was easy and long and a waste of my time and brain and that’s that. The Bio final was a disaster because I practically guessed on roughly 75% of the questions. It’s bad, I know. I get kicked out if i have less than a 70% on the class. I have 69%. Let’s just put our hands together, bow our heads, and pray that I don’t get kicked out. Amen

 Now I have to write an essay for my English final tommorow. I could write it then but I would look bad because I’m the teacher’s Brat and he expects a lot from me, which i deliver of course. That is the only class I’m proud of because it’s practically the only one that I have an A one other than Harmony (finals tom. too). I pull complete bullshit out of my smooth ass and he treats it like gold. Priceless. Harmony, however, is the most stupid class you can ever hope to be in. All you do in that funky smelling room is clap your hands, identify note patterns, and watch movies. But the teacher is funny and weird so it’s all good.

The day after tommorow: FREEDOM!

The awesome-est song ever!!! makes me want to shake what my momma gave me (if i have any) 

i can’t help it… another one!!!

and one more!

and one last one!

…. lol

have you ever noticed that if people give you time to think, you tend to recall the most embarrassing shit that ever happened to you?  

I just realized a couple of minutes ago that i want a boyfriend. Really. I do. I think I miss that squishy feeling in the middle of your chest that makes you giddy every time you think of Him. aaaahh the feeling was nice. The last time I felt it was when i had this crush infatuation type thing with my cousin’s best friend named Nike. Yea, like the shoe. He was tall dark and handsome. Sorry for the cliche but he really was in the literal sense. On one fine as hell day I found out that he liked me after I went to a cheer practice. All I could think of was “wow… how the hell can he like an ironing board like me?” but I was still happy as fuck. BUT being a good for nothing 4th grader, I didn’t have the guts to go talk to him. My cousin fixed the lack of communication thing for me. He gave my number to him and he’s send me these really cheesy text messages every morning, noon, and night. It was cute but it broke my little heart when i found out that it was just a joke. The whole thing’s pretty funny and embarrassing now that i think about it. Ugh. I was sooo stupid.

I’m watching Jeepers Creepers right now and it took me about a half hour to write this just watching the stupid movie. Oh yea. I was supposed to go to the AIDS walk thing today but I didnt feel like it. I didn’t even raise the money. Sad.

I just had to write about this. Kay. I was peacefully surfing the net, I looked at some blogs, watched a couple eps, and played FFR, when out of nowhere I hear this shattering scream. I’m like “WTF?! did someone die?!” but when I looked out the window there were these two kids that looked about 4 or 5 yrs old. Here’s how their convo went:

Girl: noooooo! get the ball

Boy: Wait up (climbs on the ledge of a porch) here. give me your bag.

Girl: kay… but dont fucking break it ok? (hands him bag) throw it!

Boy: (throws it) shit! it didnt hit! give it

Girl: no mother fucker! youre gonna fucking ruin it!

and the rest of it is delightly peppered with cuss words that i myself dont even use. amusing but sad. 

ugh. this song’s stuck in my head. i even sang it in the shower. 

Put your head on my shoulder- Paul Anka

Put your head on my shoulder
Hold me in your arms, baby
Squeeze me oh so tight, show me
That you love me too

Put your lips next to mine, dear
Won’t you kiss me once, baby
Just a kiss goodnight, maybe
You and I will fall in love

People say that love’s a game
A game you just can’t win
If there’s a way
I’ll find it someday
And then this fool will rush in

Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, baby
Words I want to hear, tell me
Tell me that you love me too.

Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear, baby
Words I want to hear, baby
Put your head on my shoulder

How can you fucking say no to that?!

Last night me, my mom, and my dad went walking around the neighborhood to hopefully (yea right) shed some pounds and I asked ma if I could go to the premier of the awesome-ly awesome movie, 30 Days of Night, with Gregg, Gregg’s bro, and Reggie. And she said no. The bitch said no because she wanted me to go a youth group today at 3. That was totally unfair cuz she said “what about me? youre gonna leave me alone?” and I’m like “bitch, I always leave you alone on fridays to go to Gregg’s youth group.” I can’t even imagine where she’s getting the ideas that I want to be a pious catholic. I mean, yea, I go to Gregg’s youth but only because Gregg’s there and because I like the company. I don’t want to go on some mission to save my soul from eternal damnation because I don’t believe in hell(see my other post: the bible thing). My dad even understood this when he said “she’s not going” with a fucking smile! I seriously don’t want to go but, if I have to, I’ll go just to watch it.

2:33 pm

I finally told mom about how I think going to church is pointless. Yay for me. It feels weird. It feels like a string has been broken between me and the church. Feels weird but I’m planning to tell her that I’m old enough to decide for myself what I’m going to believe in. I can’t believe her. She’s only getting into the whole church thing because I started to go Gregg’s youth thing. Fucking phony. She just arrived a couple of minutes ago and said this “you’re coming to church tommorow?” and I said “yea.” Fuck. why in god’s name did i say yea?! That totally blows the point of telling her that i don’t like church.

mmm… well yea… I haven’t been writing as much and all I want YOU to do is ask someone this question:

Do you like Mike Hawk?

and watch their reaction.

That is all.

not really

I have pretty depressing grades in my classes right now and it’s making me think if I’m going to make it in life or not. I watched this movie called Van Wilder and that guy stayed in college stayed in college for 7 years because he didn’t really have a clear outlook on life. I might become like that and secretly hate myself for it. True, the pressures of college can break people and all I’m saying is that one of those people could be me. Here’s how I see it: I dont like to work, I procrastinate, I rarely feel a sense of obligation, I’m sorta hedonistic, I rarely feel like a nerd, BUT I hate it when people call me stupid or some other crap like that.

My parents are pushing me to go into medicine because of the money and into business because of the stuff I’m gonna learn on how to handle money. I was thinking more in the lines of having a small book store in Europe that could support me but with enough money left over for me go anywhere for the winter. I think people take life to seriously and (sorry for the cliche) forget to stop and smell the goddamned roses. They forget the pleasures of life because they’re too worked up about their latest project or that new branch they’re gonna open. Relax, step back and make yourself laugh. And ask someone:

Do like Mike Hawk? 

the things we discussed in french today:

• rasputin’s penis is a foot long (like a sub sandwich long)

• rasputin’s penis is venerated as a national treasure

• napoleon has a small penis

• napoleon has his brother in law slice his penis to help with the erection pains

• give viagra to your grandpa for on his birthday for his… extra curricular activities

• nursing homes have viagra vending machines

• if you give you mom a card, you’re a cheap sonuvabitch. but you gave your love so that should be enough

• boobs are better than butts and vice versa

• which came first. the egg or the chicken?

people have their cigs, pot, booze, and drugs but i have…

FLASH FLASH REVOLUTION!!!

 it is officially my new addiction apart from sleeping. its like srepmania only that its online and crappier but still addictive. im addicted to the flashing lights and arrows and i actually stayed up all night on saturday just to play multiplayer. ugh. this is going to get nasty. just go visit and play then tell me bout it after. kay? kay.

i have a lot to write down but i have to go sleep so ill update this post tom. nighty night!

the weather took advantage of my lazy disposition and i haven’t been paying attention to my blog for a couple of days so here goes:

so uhhh blah blah blah happened this week and it was pretty boring (ever since i got a hair cut, this guy at school started paying me more attention…. meh) but then Friday rolled along its cute wheels and took me with his jokes to the place that i sorta hate. the bible study thing place… thing. so yea we got there after forever because George took the long way and teased me endlessly about being fat (which i am NOT. i weigh 114 lbs, bitch!), Jerome (that touchy feely guy), and about being my weird self. when we got there, Ate talked about stone babies and ghost hunters. Greg just looked from one enraptured girl to the other as he thought about the dreams he was gonna have that night. gross. anyway, we talked, and talked, and then talked some more, until the others came. until JAY came. ugh. i got a slight squishy feeling in the center of my chest but i squashed it with a firm NO.

I’m sure you’ll remember this. all the people in a group has to stand in a circle and hold hands (i held jay’s and i kept bitching how sweaty mine were), tangle themselves, and then get a person from the other team to untangle it. yup we played that. i was squished between Greg and jay and all i could do was stand still and sweat like crazy because of the close proximity and the body heat. i almost kissed jay too…. NOOOOOO!!!! neevaaaar!!! almost! it ALMOST happened but it didn’t so it was all good (i felt someone touch my shoulder so i turned to look and saw others backs turned towards me. i looked at the other side and lo and behold, my lips were |——–| that close to kissing his and all he could do was breath on my mouth and say hi. ugh. mortifying) after that i was forced to buy this girl Rachel some hollister jeans because stupid Greg mentioned it to her. i couldn’t say no because i just saw her light up and i couldn’t deny her of her happiness so now i have to go buy some and give it to her next week. stupid Greg.

now the car ride home was hella funny! it still cracks me up every time i think of it! grrr! first i was put in the front seat (mmm he has a rabbit) which i didn’t really get why but all was good in the world because Greg’s brother is pretty hot (Greg told me about his brother’s first girl and he said that he ignored her for two weeks just to play counter strike and would only talk to her in the mornings to say hi. sad but extremely funny but still sorta pathetic). we played oldies Filipino music and imagined nasty things about Jerome like… i dont even want to talk about it. aahh good times.