Bahhh is it just me or..

is it my one and only trying to push me away?
lately he’s been going on about us, like, how it would be awesome if we lived together and, I don’t know, get married in the long run? (yes, we’re actually thinking of that) but a couple of days ago, he seemed really down about something but he wouldn’t tell me what it was about. All he would say was just that it was one of those times that you randomly get depressed for no reason (kinda like me sometimes, he says)

I think it’s more than that somehow. Maybe he’s scared of commitment or that he really doesn’t want me there with him??? UGHHh I mean, c’mon…

But I admit, I think it’s just that both of us are pretty insecure about our futures with each other since our situation (I live in another city 8 hours away from him) makes it almost impossible to be with each other. But I realize that I’m the one promising to move in with him and not the other way around… knowing that I’ve already broken promises in the past, him saying “oh, it’s not that big of a deal if you don’t move out here” is his way of protecting himself from hurt expectations that I can’t fulfill as of yet… i think. Im not sure.

And get this. We’re not even dating yet

Yea yea I know. This was his reasoning: he can’t take the pain that the relationship would bring him and me because of our distance. He’s been through that once and is not going through it again. It makes me scared because what if, just what if, he finds another girl and think it ‘OK’ to be with her just because he’s not with me?

I don’t know anymore. It’s just so confusing now.

~ by Jamjam on August 27, 2009.